The Facts of Life
by Sapadu
Summary: Ben gets 'The Talk'. It's not pretty.


The Facts of Life

By Sapadu

A/N: Ah, hell with it – I'm on a roll of Ben Skywalker/Ken the Jedi Prince fics. In my defense, I think it would be interesting to see some kind of friendship brew between these two – they've got a good bit in common, but at the same time, so many key differences.

"_Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head."_

_Friendly Advice _compiled by Jon Winokur

"Is there somebody you like, Ben?" For a second, Ben almost spat out his drink, wondering if Ken knew something he didn't, before the actual question registered.

"What do you mean 'like'? As in... LIKE like? Or just kinda like?" Ben couldn't have picked a more transparent lie if he'd tried, but Ken didn't roll his eyes or even groan. Instead, he fiddled with the opening tab on his drink.

"As in like, like." Ken clarified, before he shrugged, "You're about that age were you're gonna start noticing things like girls and stuff, so... figured I'd ask."

Ben started to wiggle the tab on his drink, too. It was quickly devolving into a contest of who could get theirs off the fastest without using the Force.

"Not really. I mean, yeah, I've seen some cute girls but... don't really LIKE anybody..." Ben pulled on the tab as hard as he could until the top of the can bent, but the hinge still held.

"Cute girls, huh?" Ken repeated, suspiciously, still wiggling patiently on his tab like a loose tooth.

"It's not like I'm doing anything BAD... I just notice when one girl is prettier than another, that's all." Ben pointed out, "Like, there's this girl... she's actually closer to Jacen's age, so I guess woman would be better... I met her, like, once, and she was nice and cute and everything, but it wasn't like I asked her out or anything..."

Ken's wiggling on his tab was starting to make less and less of a pop with each bend. Ben started jerking on his can even harder, not caring that he was splashing his caf everywhere. In a matter of seconds, Ben heard a loud snap and turned to see Ken triumphantly holding the detached tab from his can. Ben stuck his tongue out.

"...Dad wanted you to talk to me, didn't he?" He muttered. Ken dropped the smug look from his face, and finished his drink, going slightly pink.

"...Since you asked, I won't jerk you around – both your parents wanted me to talk to you about sex."

Oh.

"Astral! Okay, let's talk then!" Here, Ben'd been thinking it would be a tough talk about growing up or something stupid his parents or all the Masters had already tried to beat into him. But sex? Ken was going to be talking with him about all the stuff adults did in bed? This was going to be GREAT!

Ken sighed a little, then pulled out a datapad out of his robes like he had some sort of interdimensional pocket in there.

"Ben, first let's start off with some pictures."

*** Three hours, several diagrams, and a model figure later ***

"And that's where YOU came from."

"NOOOOO!"

Little creatures... there were little creatures growing inside of him, just waiting to swim out and make more little creatures until they grew and grew into a tiny person. And he'd be putting... this... into a girl's... that... and his mom and dad – his MOM and his DAD – had done this too... LOTS of times, before he was even born... and that meant they'd gotten NAKED!

And that hadn't been the worst of it.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"

Without missing a beat, Ken responded,

"Search your feeling... or whatever."

"B-b-but... some of those things... it's just not possible... y-you'd have to bend and t-t-twist and... or what about the whole... glands and... stuff coming out and... and..."

Ken remained silent and unimpressed by Ben's utter lack of vocabulary to describe his discomfort.

"That was just the biology, reproductive, legal, and contraceptive lecture." He finally said when Ben finished squirming. It was enough to shock Ben into shivers again.

"...You mean... there's MORE?" He whimpered. Ken shrugged, scrolling through documents on the datapad.

"Social, psychological, cultural, religious, ethical, and philosophical stuff – this IS something that close to everyone does at some point in their lives or another, not like drinking or spice or stealing. But that can wait until your parents have a chance to tell you some of their opinions."

Ben shivered, glaring between squinted eyes. This was going to keep him up for a week, just the idea of his parents doing nasty stuff. What about Jaina, or Jacen, or Uncle Han and Aunt Leia? They all probably did stuff like that... what other kinds of things did they do that Ben didn't want to know about?

And there Ken sat, poking at the datapad, completely unconcerned. There HAD to be something Ben could say to get him to squirm.

"...Ken, do YOU like somebody?" Ben finally asked.

Ken's fingers paused on the datapad touchscreen. It wasn't a flinch or anything to make him squirm, but considering Ben had never really seen Ken even stop to think about something, it was satisfying to see him have to pause.

"What do you mean by 'like'? As in..." Ben felt a smug grin start to creep on his face.

"As in LIKE like."

Ken pressed a hand to his chin, staring fixedly at the screen. After a full minute had passed, Ben started to hold down snickers.

"I had a crush on someone when I was a teenager." He finally answered.

"Who? Was she pretty?"

"A teacher I had. And yes – very pretty. And a lot older than me."

And, also a first, Ken was being short and tight-lipped. Ben held in his glee.

"And did YOU wanna do stuff like..."

"This was BEFORE I got the lecture on how babies were made." Ken interrupted before Ben could even start – probably all well and good, or Ben would have stuttered too much to make it effectively embarrassing, "So, it hadn't quite occurred to me that you DO things beyond say the words when you love someone, what with growing up underground, being raised by droids, and all."

Ben didn't stop himself from laughing this time, as Ken's face was very red.

"Laugh while you can, boy – sooner or later, YOU'RE going to have this same problem and your parents and I are going to be the ones who have to deal with you when you finally do get the shit kicked out of you by love." Ken snapped. Ben kept laughing.

"So, what... you just went up to your teacher and said 'Miss So-and-So, I think you're pretty, now what do I do'?" Ken started glowering again.

"Actually, no – I didn't. And listen up, because you'll need this when you finally find someone you really like. I never even told them I had a crush. Then, I grew up, got over it, and went on with my life, but I still wonder if it would have been easier when I was a kid if I'd just told them – even if it was impossible, because I was just a kid and they were an adult." Ben stopped laughing so much, but kept grinning, "So, when you see some cute girl and you think you like her – say something. Otherwise, it's going to nag you to gray hairs and wrinkles."

It was still hard to keep a straight face given the topic of conversation. Guys didn't normally talk about this stuff, right?

"What happened to her?" Ben finally asked. Ken shrugged.

"Eh. Got married, had a kid. Last I checked, their kid's your age." Ken pressed the power button on the datapad and walked away, "I gotta go – lecture's after lunch if you wanna come and harass me."

Ben glared after Ken as he walked away – all the information was still bugging him more than it should have. Of course, Ken wasn't paying any attention, which just irritated Ben all the more.

"...Wait..." A teacher. A lot older. Never said anything. Married now. With a kid his age... "Oh holy BALLS!"


End file.
